All You Need Is Love

Do you ever feel like you do all you can for someone you truly love and yet it somehow doesn’t seem like they are getting what they need? I know that this is something I struggle with. Have you ever felt like you aren't getting what you need from someone you KNOW loves you? How do you make the people you care for most FEEL that they are cared for and loved? How do you ensure that you are satisfied emotionally in your relationships as well?

Communication. The answer is communication. My momma has always told me that in life you need to tell people what you want and how you are feeling. {No problem. I normally wear my emotions on my sleeve!} However, when it comes to telling people what you need in order to feel loved, it just becomes so much more complicated for me. How do you say “you’re not loving me like I need to be loved” or “I need you to do this more so that I feel emotionally cared for” in a way that isn't “YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING WRONG?”

Last year I read the “The 5 Love Languages” and was enthralled by how accurately something so basic could describe how I love and want to be loved. I would recommend this book whole heatedly. Regardless of the stage you are in in life, I’m sure that this book will be an interesting and enlightening experience. Even if you don’t read the book, I recommend that you determine your love language.

What are The 5 Love Languages?

Adapted from The Five Love Languages: Love Language Profile. Accessed May 18, 2014. Click Here

My Love Language Personal Profile

Words of Affirmation	“Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.”	6
Quality Time	”In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether itʼs spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.”	8
Receiving Gifts	“Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else’s love and affection for you.”	1
Acts of Service	“Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.”	5
Physical Touch	“A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.”	10

Adapted from The Five Love Languages: Love Language Profile. Accessed May 18, 2014. Click Here

Reading this book and taking the quiz helped me determine that my primary love language is physical touch. There is nothing in this world I love more than a hug after an absence {no matter how long or how brief}, holding hands in public, and being playfully nudged while standing in line. I also felt that this experience helped me EXPRESS WHAT I NEEDED IN A LOVING MANNER. Instead of “I don’t feel loved,” I was able to say “I feel really loved when you hug me like that.” IT HAS DONE WONDERS. The most important thing I gleaned from this was that when an argument occurs with someone I love {inevitable}, I don’t feel that the issue has been resolved until we have “hugged it out.” 

Now, a quick brag on my sweet man. Long before I read this book and determined that physical touch is my ultimate language, my man had already figured this out. It wasn't 2 weeks into our relationship that he announced “Wow. You really like to linger during your hugs…” I WAS SO THANKFUL FOR THAT OBSERVATION. Weeks before we said the fateful words “ICH LEIB DI” has been officially exchanged, I had never felt more loved or understood in that moment. Walking with my man through our dating time has been so sweet and I could not ask for a better man to walk through life with. I have never felt MORE LOVED in my life. 

I know that if my sweet man would complete the quiz, he would find it helpful too... {Even though I suspect his love language is Words of Affirmation}